Azzzzzure-By-Gone

(From New York, New York)

“I am just calling so you won't shut off my credit card,” I scream over a bad cell connection at the JFK airport from the international terminal. I hear silence as the call center rep clicks through screens to catch up. I continue, "I will be in Turkey this week and Azerbaijan next week."

“Ma'mmmmmm”, she says having no idea that she has insulted my freshly turned 40th mentality with her implication that I am older than her. “What region of the world is Turkey in?" I laugh thinking of the exact location of Turkey and how it clings to Europe, when advantageous, and the Middle East when it is not. With a quick shake of the globe it could be sliced into Northern Africa or Eastern Europe which no doubt would bring great humor to neighboring, competitive Greece. But her question is really quite easy given that she works for an American Visa company.

I respond with Middle East. I hear a longer pause followed by a longer "Ma’aaam, now what is the other country?”

“Azerbaijan,” and I continue on to spell it. I am proud to have mastered this task, unlike the poor Philippines which I can never spell right. I enjoy the revenge with the young call center rep as she tries to find this location.

“Ma’m which region would you think that Azzzzure-by-gone is in?” she says. She starts with Africa, then Southeast Asia, then China, then on to Europe. I find myself amused and am waiting to reach the Artic Circle. Finally she offers the region of “Russia, Ukraine, etc.” with no mention of exactly who is included in the extra countries.

I think of how little Azerbaijan is mentioned anywhere. My own grandmother has even been confused, telling people I am off to Afghanistan. And the “tourist” website only promotes the capital (which I am sure you know is Baku) and the bordering Caspian Sea, one of the most polluted bodies of water due to large manufacturing plants. But all is not lost in Baku: they are rich in oil coupled with a new pipeline that allows them to trade with other countries without stepping foot into neighboring Iran. That certainly should make them slightly more popular these days.

And so now you can think of Azerbaijan … you might not know how to spell it, but it will be a little more than the “Etc.” in the region of “Russia, Ukraine, etc.” In a week, you can look on the map and realize that I am there. And maybe when you are thinking of me, you might call to remind my credit card company to do the same so they continue to give me access to money while I am traveling. I am sure I will never figure out the phones to call and argue with them. And I really would like to come home at the end of the week!

By Linda English