Ramblings from 2 am

Oh the owls.... They are just outside my window with their energetic blasts of "Who.. Who... Who" which are notably not in the form of a question but rather a demand.  I will hate them for the next few hours, then adore them in the morning.

I reflect on today.   Of four odd events.

The first was arguing with a nurse that I was 100% sure I did not need a pregnancy test as a precursor to another test. It's standard she said.... My lesbian friends had the same obstacle when one of them was trying to get pregnant. It feels rather ridiculous to explain basic biology....

And then the second odd task for the day was receiving an email from one of my sisters asking to have my mom's brain dedicated to the study of her disease. It's a typical request of my mom to always be thinking how her suffering might benefit others.  But I was honestly stuck on the logistical grotesqueness of the ordeal and couldn't seem to get past it to go through the legal forms.  I felt consumed on how they would harvest and transport her.

And then there was a meeting with a friend who draws cartoons; the next step to building my gravel girls website is creating a caricature of myself. I understand the concept of branding and the strategy around personification of a caricature on a website to market a product.  But to personify yourself is odd... Narcissistic.

 And finally the task of reflecting.  Today, the head of a small non profit that supports business development stopped by to give me an orchid, a framed letter of appreciation for close to ten years of service, and a thoughtful thank you card. What struck me is odd is that I resigned from my position a  few months ago with my final transfer of responsibilities about two weeks ago. And while it was wonderful to be acknowledged I found it strange to receive such a generous thank you after I resigned. They might have been better served to thank me during my ten years of service?

This led to quite the internal debate; I do not volunteer to receive recognition or gratitude of my efforts.  But I suppose there is some expectation, one that I deny exists?  Or maybe that I'm just not sure what I might do with the lovely orchid (a plant that will never survive my care) and the oddly framed letter of appreciation that I will politely add to the box of diplomas and certifications Kevin and I have collected over the years.   It's a box shoved in a closet that I think will be important later on in life, when I'm feeling deeply reflective and want to find my high school year books or a trophy I won in college for "best sportsmanship," a title which has seemed to always be a consolation for not being the mvp.

I realize now the owls have moved far enough away that I don't hear them screaming.  Ah the perfect time to sleep ... And to hopefully disconnect from the odd stresses of the day.   My mom's head being shipped through fedex to a wrong location, the cartoon my friend draws coming back as something that resembles my grandmother,  the ridiculous justification to a nurse that I am sure I'm not pregnant, and the stress for how to care for a lovely orchid that I'm sure will be dead in six months.